The Ghost Of Halloween Past


A Halloween tale: For real’s!

I always looked forward to Halloween, the chill in the air was a harbinger that the soote season was only a couple of months away. Halloween is the FUN holiday, when we can be a spook or a hero. It was a Halloween long ago that this tale took place. The year before I was Superman, so young always being the good guy, not if you asked my babysitter I was not–this Halloween I wanted to be a preternatural horror. The Devil was too… I don’t know Catholic and this was the year I lost my religion ( a tale for another day ) so I looked for another bad guy. Frankenstein monster blah! a werewolf? please My uncle Felix looked like one everyday of his life.

A mummy! That was it, undead from a mysterious land, what could be better? So I had the usual wrappings set up but it wasn’t quite right—I wanted something to scare the shit out of the redheaded girl I was crushing on ( I know too Charlie Brown but such was my life ) and had seen the perfect ghoul mask in the store earlier that week.

I planned to wrap the mask and be some kind of demon mummy, I put out the word making sure RHG knew to be on the look out. So of course mom waited to the last-minute ( the lady and her adult responsibilities PFFT! ) to go the shopping center and get the mask at Woolworth. So, I get home and of course I had to go through the parent torture of being told to do my homework and chores. So when I was done mom broke  the bad news, they had run out of ghouls, devils, vampires—-but not to despair she got a mask of one of my favorite cartoon characters, ok??? Spidey is going to look strange but maybe I can just wear the mask, Iron man? Ok, he’s cool. She pulled the mask from the bag…

EXCUSE ME A MINUTE I NEED A DRINK–FLASH BACK!

So from the bag, lo and behold!

%&%&$*&$@&(#$(,$#)*#$(*$*#$, ()%*^&$(

%**%^*&%*&^**&$%()@^&*$!%%@#^((&%#

%&%&$*&$@&(#$(,$#)*#$(*$*#$, ()%*^&$(

%**%^*&%*&^**&$%()@^&*$!%%@#^((&%#

%&%&$*&$@&(#$(,$#)*#$(*$*#$, ()%*^&$(

%**%^*&%*&^**&$%()@^&*$!%%@#^((&%#

%&%&$*&$@&(#$(,$#)*#$(*$*#$, ()%*^&$(

%**%^*&%*&^**&$%()@^&*$!%%@#^((&%#

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woody woodpecker! MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It seemed like forever, before I realized how fucked I really was, if I didn’t deliver on my promise of macabre mastery my schooldays looked bleak, my chances to NAIL the RHG ( what ever that was exactly ) were shot, no velvety red lips would kiss me, no treat for me.  I told mom how she had utterly destroyed me but mom was not having any of it. I could be wrapped half-assed with old whitish T-Shirts or go as woody, my choice she said—Gee thanks.

I don’t remember fully how the argument went but I remember with stark clarity the result. I could stay home and be harassed by classmates for a week or so for being a chicken shit, I could go as a mummy boring the RHG to death, what I could not do was miss Halloween. Like they say candy before HOHO’s, they say that somewhere I’m sure. I told Mom to wrap me-up; she disagreed with my choice but knew me well enough to discourage me when I set my mind on something, I promised something special and G-DAM I was going to deliver come hell or high water.

I waited until it got a bit dark most of my friends had come by so I was confident I would minimize damage to my ego. Out into the dark I went, yes I got looks but not the kind I was hoping for. Adults back then were more polite and said hey that’s some costume Kid. But I knew they would never let their kids go out  in my get-up, So fucking what, I still got candy—-then it happened the big kids found me so of course  they made me take the mask off, holy shit did they laugh. So I get to the RHG HOME, Trick or Treat my love! She said, giggling wildly, “woody wood pecker as a mummy , you’re silly Jack.” Ouch!  Was that glass breaking? Oh, no it was my pre-pubescent heart being smashed.

Got home and buried my head in a bucket of candy–years later I learned women do the same but with ice cream when heart-broken–I mean I was used to ridicule having to wear a bow tie as part of my school uniform, but this feeling was different being called silly meant one thing, I was in THE FRIEND ZONE with RHG. So, I went to school and saw my Love and marched straight up to her and she spoke…

THIS IS THE TIME YOU PROBABLY EXPECT A JOHN HUGHES MOVIE ENDING AND…

Please!!!!!! people of course I did not get the girl, this is real life. In truth had I had a little more imagination I could have made the woody mask look evil but those were my salad days.

The rest of the week I walked like the king of dweebs down the school hallways, not feeling bad because I never let the other kids be the boss of me, and what do you know? I had made an impression on the RHG but that’s a tale for another night.

About Jack Wayne

Don't worry I'm not trying to be a Legitimate blogger.........no time for it and no money in it, just have fun.
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428 Responses to The Ghost Of Halloween Past

  1. termgirl says:

    Hi, Realm.
    Just listened to Rachel’s interview with Gov. Cuomo.
    The man has a way with words.
    I really enjoyed listening to him.

  2. CPAwADD says:

    Song I always remember from my first overnight date. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJ8MvnEVCqM Can You Hear Me Knocking — Rolling Stones

  3. CPAwADD says:

    I am very happy with this comment. Romney is sinking in the polls. Quick let’s throw him some canned goods.
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/social/CPAwADD/michael-bloomberg-obama_n_2059212_201833857.html

  4. Haruko Haruhara says:

    I think Amy Adams is pretty. http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/6300000/Amy-amy-adams-6381579-1089-1500.jpg

    I wish I had red hair. (sigh) 😦

  5. Lizard Island says:

    Anybody else having trouble changing their GravyTar avatar? Seems to be taking waaaay to long.

  6. Fluff Jo says:

    Hello Realmies!!
    Great story, Jack! 😀

    I don’t know about you guys, but every day for weeks now my mailbox has been filled with BIG glossy local political ads. One I received yesterday really caught my attention. I wish I could scan it and display it or even find it online. But I’ve tried and it can’t be found. It has a picture of a thuggish looking (white) guy with dreadlocks swinging his fists and the captions:
    “His Name is Frankie.
    He’s Going to Hurt You.
    Frankie is about to beat you to a pulp,,,
    Candidate _(Dem)___ doesn’t care.

    Candidate ______ has promised that, if elected to the 55th District, he will help Mike Madigan block attempts to allow citizens to defend themselves. Honestly, ______ doesn’t care if you or your loved ones get mugged, raped, robbed or murdered. All _____ cares about is making Mike Madigan happy. Frankie is proud to endorse __________!

    Before you go to vote Nov 6th, think long and hard about what is at stake here. If it hasn’t happened to you already, it’s just a matter of time before you or a close family member is assaulted, seriously injured, or even killed by a guy like Frankie. When it happens, just remember that Mike Madigan and his buddy __________ just couldn’t care less.”

    The ad was sent by the ISRA Political Victory Fund, which I thought was a Republican organization, but of course it’s the Illinois State Rifle Association. WTF!

  7. shutterbabe2 says:

    Hey There! Doing a fly by to say happy hello’s. I hope everyone is in good spirits tonight. I see CG and RF are back. {{{{GROUP HUG}}}} Wishing you all a peaceful evening. xo

  8. classicalgas says:

    Hello, the Realm! How’s everyone?

  9. BoyInBOYCOTT says:

    hey jack, neb, cg, orcas, and MsB

  10. BoyInBOYCOTT says:

    DAVID BOWIE – 1984

    • shutterbabe2 says:

      Great performance. I saw him host Saturday Night Live. We had great seats. He was wearing a skirt and blew the audience away. Amazing memory.

  11. Fluff Jo says:

    Has everyone heard by now that Romney sent his staffers out to Walmart to pick up $5000 worth of canned and dry goods for the rally attendees to hand to Mitt at his little storm relief effort?
    Someone on HP referred to this as “CreamedCornGate” 😆

  12. BoyInBOYCOTT says:

    Elementary was another enjoyable episode.

  13. Haruko Haruhara says:

    Classy and Babe at once. Hi!

  14. BoyInBOYCOTT says:

    I hope Sunday’s Souls to the Polls is massively successful in Ohio, (and other states) to get Black church members to vote. Especially since the Republican THUGS tried to stop their votes in OH.

    • Fluff Jo says:

      That makes me wonder if Fox is showing their footage of the two young black men outside a polling place in 2008. You know, the NBP they kept crying about. I hear they were headed to Ohio to intimidate the voters, but their tandem bicycle got a flat outside Muncie, IN…

    • RF Dude says:

      It’s coming together nicely – all of the illegal voter suppression laws have been quashed by the courts, at least this time.

      They can’t win on ideas, so they cheat and steal – it’s what they learn in MBA school, I think!

      • BoyInBOYCOTT says:

        Good thinking P*SS OFF every Obama voter, and then fail to make any less of us.

        • RF Dude says:

          I”ve seen the same mentality in action at work – bright-eyed over-paid MBA grad PO’s everyone who works for him and then wonders why productivity is down…

          There are some good MBAs, I’m sure – I’ve just never met one who I wouldn’t like to see take a long walk off a short pier.

  15. Lizard Island says:

    Woohoo. My bud in Marin invited us again to spend Thanksgiving dinner with him and his new girlfriend and his daughter. We did that last year and met some new people. Also he wants to go mountain biking nearby which I’ve never really done, other than mt. bike on logging roads, not trails. Anywho….If Dr. Hole ever makes it out here he said we can rent Mt. bikes.

    • RF Dude says:

      HI Orcas! Woot!!

      You will leave time for the requisite post-Turkey-Overdose coma, I hope 🙂

      • Lizard Island says:

        Most likely! Hi RF! Glad you guys are home safe.
        My friend, Bruce is really a great guy. He is also one of the people who, among other tasks evaluates people who are in San Quentin. To see if they should be released back into society. Heavy duty!

    • classicalgas says:

      Good deal! Better put some extra air in those tires, what with the feast, and all! Have a great time, and remember pics! 🙂

  16. termgirl says:

    Good night, everyone.
    So good to have a full house at the Realm this evening.
    I have to get up earlier than usual tomorrow.
    Very busy day ahead.
    That’s okay. It keeps my mind occupied…. otherwise I’m thinking about voting machines and ballots thrown in trash cans.

    Peace and love to all.

  17. BoyInBOYCOTT says:

    YIKES they have aerosmith on Letterman….OMG Jurassic rockers

  18. Lizard Island says:

    @Ms. Badger – your avatar is making me think of this Scrooged clip. I think I posted it before – Bill Murray and Carol Kane. >http://youtu.be/Ak1dPU8uXiE

  19. Lizard Island says:

    Went to the library today and got some books. One about a young woman who hiked the entire Pacific Crest trail by herself with no prior camping/hiking experience. “Lost” by Cheryl Strayed.
    “strayed”…hmmm seems a fitting name for a meandering soul.
    See ya laters Realmsters!

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