Holiday Magic!

The TRUE story of the Magi.

Long ago before FB, TWITTER OR TIKTOK, the world was blessed by the arrival of humanity’s savior, no not Jeff Besos but close, 3 Wise guys went to adore the newly born King of the Jews.

‎Caspar · ‎Melchior · ‎Balthazar were their names-the plan was simple to pay humble homage to the savior.

Caspar was to bring cotton sheets–not the 900 thread ct kind.

‎Melchior, who people often refer to as a “TOTAL BITCH” was to bring pampers.

‎‎Balthazar — ya, you know him–he was supposed to bring some primo weed.

Well, being the total bitch he is Melchior said to his homies:

“My dudes, y’all are whack, we can’t hook Baby J with such crap–you guys should bring some perfumey shit and bring some candles.”

For many nights, high as fuck, they roam the streets of LA, guided to their destination only by the lights of a police helicopter searching for an innocent black man to arrest, they reached the stables of the Mustang Ranch in Nevada.

They waited patiently on what appeared to be an Apple store line on the release of a new iPhone because they did not want to be canceled for being entitled one percenters.

When they reached Jesus—don’t be racist it’s pronounced, Hey-Zeus– Melchior, who people often refer to as a “TOTAL BITCH” said, “bestow your swag on to the brat, go first ma bois.”

When Melchior approached the SAVIOR he said, “YOOOO! WTF? them shitheads are loaded and they got you junketh from Bed, Bath and Beyond?”

“Not me J, I got you some bling!” so he gave Baby Jesus a GOLD medallion that read the wise words “Wet Ass Pu**y” evidently Melchior had dated Carly B and before THEY broke up he stole some bling—he kept her $800K Patek Philippe Watch because he ain’t stupid, and he said “just remember who bestowed some good shit on to you. 

This is the story of the Magi-and the reason Caspar and Balthasar roast in hell while Melchior, who people often refer to as a “TOTAL BITCH” is living it up with 72 lightly used hookers in Cancun.

NEXT!!!!

Kanye West version of the 3 Magi titled OH Fuck, no J*ws in my stables.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!

Now go buy some Black Friday junk on credit.